GUEST POST BY Lydia Haworth
Your relationship’s ended. It’s hard to say what’s really ‘gone wrong’. Everyone is asking if you’re ok – but you’re not. Obviously. And where do you go from here?
Everything was worked out, right? You were adorably happy, sickeningly in love. It might even have felt like they were the almighty ‘one’. And now you’re right back at the beginning again. No worse. You’re burning in your own personal single hell. Absolutely. Great.
You constantly replay those final conversations over and over again. You flick endlessly through albums of memories in your mind, searching for the point at which things changed. You want to talk about every finite detail with anyone who’ll listen but would equally rather sit in a dark corner sulking to some depressing music. And that’s ok.
You’re allowed to drastically switch mood from anger and hatred to sadness and loneliness. And when your day’s wallowing is at its end, you’re allowed to feel ok. Sure, there’ll be times when you might need to cry to the toilets at work, wondering what you could have done differently. You’ll ask what you could have changed? Weren’t you kind enough? Weren’t you giving enough? You were, but people change and circumstances change.
It’s so easy to spend time focusing on how happy you were and how you’ll never ever be happy again. But maybe you weren’t ‘supposed’ to be together after all (if you truly believe the universe cosmically binds us that is…).
It’s always going to be sunshine and rainbows, magic and moonbeams at the beginning. Hell, probably even some flying unicorns with brightly coloured hair! If it’s your first real relationship it probably felt like you’d stay together from here until eternity. But as many a wise, old owl will tell you, relationships are hard work and some have expiration dates.
It’s not exactly ideal that someone can charm you with their wicked ways, sign their name in black marker on your heart and then just up and leave when the winds change. It’s even less ideal that there’s no easy way to erase someone from your thoughts. But fear not! Because it’s never too late to find happiness. Obsessing over something you have no power over changing is draining. You have to actively decide to feel good, even when you don’t feel like it – that mind of yours is a powerful thing. Think positively, surround yourself with friends, put on some Nina Simone! Do something you’ve not done before – cut your hair, get a tattoo (will vouch for this – very soul soothing). Ultimately, you’ll be ok.
You’re not lost, you’re free! You’re a fish back in the pond, so go swim!