I am not the kind of person who believes you just meet someone and that’s it, you are in blind love forever and never have any doubts. Maybe that’s because I haven’t had that kind of relationship but no one I know has, my own parents even got married, got divorced and then got remarried. I believe that relationships are full of ups and downs and that from time to time you are undoubtedly going to have doubts.
Yet, every time I have a doubt, no matter how big or small, I feel ashamed. Even as I am writing I think people reading this are going to think that I don’t really love Clint or because I have sometimes been unsure if I want to be in our relationship that we are never going to last.
To be honest, I’ve had a lot of doubts in my relationship recently. That’s not to say that I don’t want to be in it anymore or that I don’t love Clint but there have been factors that have made me wonder what life would be like if I was single. Not in the sense that I want to be free and go around getting with whatever guy I want but I was feeling very isolated and the relationship felt like a lot of hard work on my side with very little in return.
I have been really open with Clint about this and we have worked through those issues and I now feel that we are heading on the right track but I shouldn’t feel bad for having my doubts.
If someone is doing all they can to make you happy and you’re having doubts then that is a different issue but if someone is behaving in a certain way or has said something in an argument which has led you to have doubts then it’s more likely you can work through it.
Would it upset me if Clint was having doubts about me? Of course, it would. But doubts are a way for people to consider options and in many ways encourage healthy conversation. I had doubts, we spoke about them and we are working on them and to be honest, my relationship is better for it.
So, I am pledging to no longer feel bad about doubts in my relationship and when they do come up, to turn them into a positive. Relationships are fucking hard work and anyone who tells you anything different is lying, but by communicating and being honest with each other you can get through pretty much anything.