Making Friends As An Adult

Making Friends As An Adult

I don’t have a lot of friends, I never have and I’ve never been afraid to admit that. When I was growing up, I would flitter between groups and most of the time I enjoyed my own company the most. I wasn’t shy, in fact, I was quite the opposite. I just wasn’t that fussed about people liking me. At times it could be tough because it felt like I had no one but the minute I was friends with someone and they stabbed me in the back, my own company seemed very attractive again.

I moved away from home at 18 and lived with a couple of my good friends who I met at uni before moving in with my boyfriend. I moved to a totally different part of London and round here, I know no one apart from some of my boyfriend’s mate’s girlfriends, so if we have a fight or he pops out with mates last minute, I have nothing to do apart from go with him or sit indoors by myself. And that isn’t ideal.

It's Not Me, It's You. Friends as an adult

To be clear, I am not saying that I just want friends when I am bored. The point I am trying to make it that I have a handful of solid friends who know me inside out. The problem is that three of them work unsocial hours and the other two live back at home in Norfolk. What I lack is that next layer of friends. The ones who you don’t always speak to but meet up occasionally for a catch-up and really enjoy each other’s company.

But making friends as an adult is hard. It’s not like you can just walk up to someone like you would at five years old and say “hi, do you wanna be my friend”. It’s hard enough to maintain the relationships you already have when you’re trying to fit it around work and general life, let alone putting in the time needed to forge new friendships.

Yet, friendship is more important than ever when you get older. Big life events happen from weddings to having children and you need that support system more than ever.  But the older we get, the more friends we lose or drift apart from and we never make that effort to find new ones. Life should be shared with people you care about and it’s taken me a while to realise that I seriously need to get out there and make some more friends or I risk missing out on an awful lot.

It's Not Me, It's You -friends

When you’re in a relationship, it’s also easy to fall into the trap of just relying on your partner for the same fulfilment you should get from your friends, but who you gonna bitch about him to if you don’t have friends around?

At 23 years old, my weekends should be filled with birthday and engagement parties, brunches and drinks. My evenings should be full of bitching about the latest TV show or talking about the new guy at someone’s work. I have never felt pressure to have all this but I think the time has come to broaden my circle a little bit and really get out of my comfort zone.

So, I invite you on my mission to make friends as an adult – any tips would be greatly appreciated. Oh and if you want to be friends, holla at me on Twitter/Insta.


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  1. February 8, 2018 / 7:46 pm

    Any tips you find, let me know! Having the same problem at the moment, such a hard thing to do. Often people either aren’t interested or already have a solid group of friends and aren’t interested. Such a hard thing to do, know exactly what you mean about how being in a relationship can make you sort of become just attached to them but damn, a girl needs someone to talk to when they’re being an annoying fuck!x

    • February 8, 2018 / 9:36 pm

      It’s so tough. I’ve been trying, I’ve joined a netball team and everything but still no luck yet. X

      • February 8, 2018 / 11:54 pm

        Yeah it sucks, all about trying to find people u can connect with z

  2. February 10, 2018 / 8:51 am

    Oh my goodness – this is so hard! I basically lost my whole “friend”ship group when my ex and I broke up – they weren’t really friends, and to be honest, I’m much better without them, but it made me feel very isolated!

    I made a lot of friends through going to gigs & buying/selling tickets that I had spares of/were looking for, so would tag along. They’re now my best pals but all live south west London and I’m in Essex so it’s quite far, especially when like me, you have a chronic illness & are unemployed!

    Most of my friends and social life are online now – I made friends mostly through having Crohn’s disease, to be honest, it’s the only positive thing to come of my disease, but I’m so happy to have met such amazing people, even if it’s only online!

    I recommend maybe finding some Facebook groups you’re interested in – like beauty or hair or film or book groups maybe? I’m admin of a Vegan & Cruelty Free beauty group and I’ve met some great friends through that!

    • February 10, 2018 / 9:13 am

      I am starting to realise that there is a whole world of online friends out there since I started joining in more on Twitter on and Instagram and going to blog events. It’s so nice to see how everyone supports each other.

      It’s also so comforting to see other people going through the same thing. Sometimes I think there is something wrong with me because I don’t have many friends. It would be nice to have some local to me so I could just pop round for dinner now and then but I am working on that.

      Let me know if you’re ever in London, would be nice to meet up!

  3. February 27, 2018 / 3:58 pm

    I loved this! I’ve had the same group of friends since I was 17. 2 girl best friends & 6 guy best friends. We’re all so close. We’re inseparable. I know wherever life takes any of us, we’ll all have each other & we know where to come back to. I hope someday you find an amazing group of friends who are like family 💙

    • February 27, 2018 / 5:16 pm

      I do have ones that are like family, they just live far away and it then becomes difficult to have that connection with new people. x

      • February 27, 2018 / 7:00 pm

        I feel that. I’ve had a few of my close friends move far away. Only communication we have is texting and calling, so it’s hard to continue to have that strong connection at times.

        • March 11, 2018 / 10:23 am

          I totally get it… But these are the moments then I appreciate technology and how relatively easy we can keep in touch …

  4. March 11, 2018 / 10:21 am

    I so appreciate your honesty and I can definitely relate to your concerns. I just moved to Birmingham and I’m once again trying to make a new social circle around… one thing I am noticing is that you can’t push it. The time is such an important factor. Don’t you think?

    • March 11, 2018 / 1:54 pm

      I agree! You can’t force it and it does take time but the key thing is to just put yourself out there!

  5. March 21, 2018 / 9:46 pm

    I struggle with this too! Especially with me being in a relationship AND me being an introvert. As you grow your circumstances change but a true friend should understand that no matter if you talk weekly, monthly or every few months. Life happens hun and thank our lucky stars for internet friends 😉

  6. May 20, 2018 / 9:11 pm

    I totally agree. I flitted between friends so much at school and its so hard to make friends as an adult. I don’t have any “friends” near me, they’re all in my home town or different cities. I find it’s easier to make friends on the Internet but it’s not the same when you can’t meet up for coffee dates. I definitely miss having my best friend around, I miss coffee dates and just watching films. It’s even harder now she’s had her baby and I’m not around. 🙁 but, I’ll be your friend! Haha! Xx

    • May 20, 2018 / 9:32 pm

      Haha, I know what you mean. I have made loads of friends through blogging but no one that I can just pop round when I have nothing to do or when I need a friend 😭

  7. July 10, 2018 / 10:34 pm

    Loved this post. I’m so glad I’m not the only one who struggles to make friends!

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