Friendships aren’t really that different from romantic relationships. Ok, so you might not sleep with your friends (most of the time) but they do take time and effort.
You might have read my post about the difficulties of making friends as an adult, this is something I have struggled with for years but I recently came to the conclusion that rekindling existing friendships is also an option when it comes to wanting to broaden your friendship group.
I did this with of my best friends a couple of years back. We hadn’t spoken since we were about 17 and then 3 years later I decided to bite the bullet and message her and now we are friends just like we were in our teens. It was like nothing had happened. Yes, our lives were dramatically different and we were far from the teenage girls we used to be but the essence of our friendship remained the same.
That’s the thing with friendships, especially when you’re young, sometimes you have to go your separate ways and grow as individuals. Sometimes you figure it out and become friends again and sometimes you grow too far apart. Here’s what you need to know about getting back in touch with old friends.
Let it happen naturally. You might think that it’s easy to just walk back into someone’s life after years of not seeing each other but it’s hard. While you may have shared loads of memories together you still have to start afresh and get to know each other again. You honestly can’t rush it. As tempting as it might be to run around like BBFs again – if you really want it to work you have to give it time.
Don’t hold on to past grudges. If you want to move forward you can’t hold onto the past. You have to look beyond whatever you fell out over in the past and accept that the person you’re trying to rekindle a friendship with is likely a whole new person.
Make the effort. As with any relationship, you have to make an effort. That might be just checking in now and then to see how they are doing but whether it’s an existing friendship or one you’re trying to rekindle, the little things go a long way.
Remember the happy times. There is nothing quite as therapeutic as looking back on old memories, you might swap stories about the ‘good old days’ or you might look up every member of your year at school and gossip about what they are doing now. I speak from experience in that this is not only entertaining but remembering the good times will also help bring you closer.
Be prepared to walk away. I was lucky when my friend and I got back in touch as we are still good friends today but if it doesn’t work out or you remember the very reason you drifted apart in the first place then you have to walk away. It can be totally amicable but there is never room for toxicity in your life. At least you can say you tried.