“Let the past, be the past”, I feel like when I say that I sound like some sort of weird preacher or that annoying person that always gives you the kind of advice that you find on a motivational Insta post but that never follows it themselves. But, as hard as I personally find it to let go of the past (I’m quite the grudge holder), it’s difficult to move on with your life if you’re too hung up on what has happened before.
I do, however, believe in a balance. If someone has done something wrong and you choose to forgive them you have to leave the problem in the past. It’s not good for any type of relationship to hold onto grudges – especially close ones. Yet, if someone does something that is so royally fucked up that you wipe them out your life, that is perfectly ok.
This is where it’s important to move on from the situation for your own sanity and let go of the emotion that you feel but NEVER ever feel that you have to forgive or make up with the person that made you feel that way.
A prime example would be if an ex-boyfriend cheated on you. Letting go of the bad feelings and learning to deal with your own trust issues is moving on from the past. It’s shoving the situation in a suitcase, zipping it up, burning it to ashes and then throwing the ashes in a river. But you don’t have to forgive and forget what he did to you.
I hold many grudges against everyone from people I went to school with to people who tried (and failed) to cause problems in my relationship, they are bad people and I will under no circumstances have them in my life again.
I appreciate that the ‘mature’ thing to do is to forgive and forget but some of the things people have done to me, I will never forgive and I most certainly will never forget. But that doesn’t mean I have to carry around the negativity from those situations into my future life.
What I am trying to say is, don’t be afraid to hold a grudge. Remember shitty people for what they have done to you and keep that negativity out of your life. At the same time, learn to not take that emotion into the future and let it impact what’s to come. It’s fine to let the past be the past, just don’t forget why people/situations are in the past in the first place.