Should I go through my partners phone?

Should I look through my partner's phone?

I was recently sent data which surveyed 1000 people to find out how many people snoop behind their partners back and why they do it. It’s a tough one. On one hand, going through someone’s stuff without their permission is wrong but the need to know if they are being true to you sometimes gets too much. We’ve all done crazy and out of character shit from time to time, right?

What is interesting is that the newer the relationship, the more likely people are to turn detective. I made no secret of doing it when I first got with my boyfriend. It wasn’t a regular thing, but I would have a look through his messages here and there or log in to his Facebook from time to time out of fear he was doing something I wouldn’t like.

The tricky thing is that trust takes time to build and while trying to catch them out is wrong, it’s easy to justify to ourselves. I wanted to protect myself and while I didn’t have a reason to not trust him, I also didn’t have a reason to trust him.

IMG_7441.pngNow, we pick up each other’s phones like their our own. If his battery is dead and he needs to make a call he wouldn’t think twice about using up my phone and vice versa. The difference is that we trust each other, wholeheartedly.  We have nothing to hide from each other.

Having that trust and openness with everything gives me no reason to even want to snoop. If my boyfriend suddenly started hiding things or locking his phone away, then I would start to worry but we have a strong relationship so I know that wouldn’t happen.

Unsurprisingly, women are far more likely to snoop than men. I feel that’s because, if the the general population of women are anything like me, they overthink and jump to millions of conclusions before calming down and thinking rationally.

Looking through partner's phone

An open and honest relationship should mean that you shouldn’t have to go behind your partner’s back but if you’re feeling the need you have to think about whether they are giving you reason to doubt their loyalty or if the problem is coming from your own insecurities. Yes, trust takes time to build but a relationship without it is barely a relationship at all.

Have you ever snooped on your partner? If so, why and would you do it again?

See the full report here:

Loved this post? Give it a share!

Leave a Reply


  1. July 19, 2018 / 3:36 pm

    I don’t feel the urge to snoop and I don’t think I would do it, but I’m not sure what it would happen if I am given a reason to doubt him.


  2. July 19, 2018 / 3:58 pm

    I used to not do that, then my previous relationship of two years was so bad that it’s so hard for me to trust anybody. My ex would never let me touch his phone and if I did, he got super defensive and told me I have my own phone so there’s no reason for me to be concerned about his. I didn’t really think he was hiding anything until towards the end of our relationship. He went through my phone a lot though. He would read my messages and everything, but I wasn’t allowed to touch his. I’ve learned a lot from that though. On to bigger and better, maybe a little more trustworthy too 💙 loved reading this

    • July 20, 2018 / 12:01 am

      omg babe, I’m sorry to hear you went through someone who was so manipulative. The fact that he would go through your phone and the scold you for wanting to go through his is terrible! I’m so happy you’re onto bigger and better things love. Don’t let anyone think you are not worthy of the same respect that they want xxx

  3. July 19, 2018 / 5:51 pm

    I have snooped at the beginning of our relationship but now I don’t feel the need to snoop. Sometimes I check his Instagram via mine because there’s this one girl I’m jealous off oops, but that’s it, I don’t really check his phone or anything. I think we trust each other enough to know that we love each other and wouldn’t hurt each other.
    Lovely blog post, Laura!😊

    Shirley |

  4. July 19, 2018 / 11:58 pm

    While I’m not one to snoop on someone’s phone, and I don’t think I’d do it if I was dating someone, if there was this weird feeling in my gut where I’d see them being super secretive with my their phone and stuff, I would definitely have to call them out on it. Great post, you definitely got me thinking 🙂 xx

    Melina |

  5. ruthinrevolt
    July 20, 2018 / 10:25 am

    I have done this in past relationships, after them behaving strangely and making me question what they were up to. Usually, I’ve caught them doing things they shouldn’t have, too. Now, I’m in a wonderful relationship and it’s a similar set up to yours – we are both happy to use each other’s phones as if they were our own, and that makes me feel reassured, because it’s so open and there’s no reason for doubt there. I’ve also discovered the only time my current boyfriend acts a bit off is when he’s planning a surprise for me so I’ve stopped interfering because I’ve ruined a few of them along the way!

  6. July 27, 2018 / 8:31 am

    I’ve never looked through my boyfriends phone. I just see it as a massive no, I’ve been on his phone…. to like my own insta pics… but I wouldn’t go on it for spying on him. I trust him, was nice to hear your take on this!

    • August 5, 2018 / 7:06 pm

      Haha, love that you go on your phone to like your pics. I am guilty of that as well! I really admire you for never having the urge to look though! I wish I had always been as trusting.

      • August 5, 2018 / 7:17 pm

        Hahahah it’s like a hobby of mine, once a month haha. Aww Thankyou lovely, tbf he’s never given me a reason to doubt him x

Subscribe to It's Not me, It's You. via email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive exclusive content to your inbox. I won't bombard you with posts - promise!

I will also not unlawfully store you data and you can opt out at any time.