My pledge to stop comparing myself to my friends

For most of my life, I have felt like the fat friend. Or the uncool friend, or the worst dressed friend. To overcompensate, I try to be the funny friend in what I like to think is a Chandler-esque way but to most, I likely come across as the loud and obnoxious friend.

Don’t get me wrong, I am funny as hell but I do use humour as a mask when I feel uncomfortable, rather than making changes or working on my self-doubt. It wasn’t until a recent trip away with friends that I realised how strong these insecurities are and how much I compare myself to my friends.

On this particular trip, I felt like the odd one out the whole time. I didn’t always want to do the same ‘cultured’ things they wanted to do, my outfits weren’t as great and I had to be careful with what I was wearing because it was hot and there was a lot of walking and I didn’t want my thighs to chafe (if you know, you know).

It's Not Me, It's You! comparing yourself to friends

To top it all off, I had a meltdown because I packed when I was hungover and didn’t pack all the outfits I wanted and was too fat to borrow any of my friend’s clothes. I even spent half a day trying to find a new outfit because the buttons on the front of my dress kept popping open. Partly because the buttons are badly designed but also probably because I was just that little too big for the dress.

It got to a point where I didn’t really want to go out. Part of me kept thinking, ‘you’re only going to feel like shit, so why don’t you just stay in?’ but, I was in a foreign country, I wanted to go explore and live my life instead of crying into a pillow because I ate two lots of gelato in the space of 4 hours.

When I got back home, I realised the shadow it had cast across my trip and that upset me.  I have always pretended like I don’t care that I am bigger than my friends, or that my outfits are five-year-old River Island as opposed to straight off the catwalk but, I do care. In fact, I probably care more than most.

It's Not Me, It's You friends

I will probably never have the same passion for high-end fashion as some of my friends and It’s genetically impossible for me to have long slim legs but a lot of what was making me feel crap, I do have complete control over.

I can lose weight and work on my body, I have to for health reasons anyway, I can easily wear clothes that make me feel more comfortable and, the hardest part of all, I CAN get in the right head space where I can appreciate my friends for being different but most importantly, I can feel comfortable about being different from them.

For too long I have been putting myself down. Yes, we all compare ourselves to each other and that can be positive in terms of inspiration and pushing us to be better people but there is also a very sinister side to it. A side that I have let rule my life since my early teens.

There are enough people in this world trying to bring us down without us having to do it to ourselves. So, I pledge that from this day forward I will take the steps needed to become more confident in the way I look, be comfortable in my own skin and most importantly to stop comparing myself to others!

 

 

20 Comments

  1. louloulouiseylifestyle

    Laura I can completely resonate with everything you have said because I have been there, and been that girl! it still happens every now and again, and my confidence is no where near as good as it was when I was younger, but I push myself as much as I can, I try to exercise every day even if it’s just walking, eating as well as I can and remind myself! Most people do not view me in the way I view myself! your friends and family love you for you! Don’t let the naughty voice in your head win as trust me you are special, beautiful and amazing! xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Laura Lovejoy

      It’s an unfortunate reality that too many of us have to deal with. It’s annoying that we can’t see ourselves through other’s eyes, it would help so much with self confidence. Thank you, I really needed to hear that! xx

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Laura Lovejoy

      It’s so easy to do and to get carried away with but we just need to learn to be comfortable in our own skins! Here’s to being more positive! x

      Like

  2. Diana

    Such a beautiful and inspirational post! I used to compare myself and my life a lot to my friends’. Whether I am funny, whether I am as smart, whether I am at the same place financially, whether I look as good, and so on and so forth. Coming from a small town to the big capital was super frustrating and really hit my ego hard. Do I talk weird, do I look weird? Now I (mostly) compare myself only to what I used to be, not what other people currently are. I am a different person than them after all and I have different thoughts, different background, different goals… I do believe that the most important thing in life is to accept yourself for who you are. If there is something you don’t like and you can change it – then change it. If there is something you don’t like and you can’t change it – accept it. We spend 24 hours, 7 days a week with ourselves, so why not like who we are spending that time with?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Laura Lovejoy

      That’s a great way to look at things. I’ve thought of it from that persepctive before but you’re right. We do spend sooo much time with ourselves and it’s so much easier if you like yourself. Whether that be how you look or even who you are as a person!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Christine Benedict

    Oh man how I relate to this. Particularly the part when you talk about searching for a new outfit because you felt uncomfortable in the one you were wearing–I’ve been there. I spend a lot of time just looking at myself wearing my OOTD before I leave in the morning so I can try to avoid moments of panic like that. And it’s silly, but it all comes back to being too hard on myself! You make an excellent point. Let’s just all stay in our lanes and give some love to ourselves.

    Thank you for your honesty!
    – Christine | https://beingmrsbenedict.com/

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Laura Lovejoy

      Glad you can relate, It’s nice to know I’m not the only person who feels that way. We just all need to be more confident in our own skin!

      Like

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