I get waaaaay too excited over Valentine’s Day. I get that it might be commercialised and a way for shops to get more money out of people but why not spend the day celebrating your special someone? (See my post from last year on why I take it so seriously). This year, however, got me thinking. The way different couples celebrate Valentine’s differs so much from couple to couple and people quite often look at me like the way we celebrate isn’t normal. Does that mean our relationship isn’t normal?
But, what is normal? There are the couples that treat it like it’s just another day (boring) and there those that might get each other cards and make their partner breakfast in bed. There’s also those that whisk their girlfriends away to Paris on a private jet for the evening where they are met by bottles of Dom Perignon and Ladurée Macarons (a girl can dream, right?). But, just because you don’t conform to one of these groups doesn’t mean that your relationship isn’t normal.
I actually think Valentine’s is probably a time where a lot of people question the normality of their relationships in everything from sex life to romantic gestures. Just because your best friend and her boyfriend have sex 5 times a week and went at it for an hour and a half on Thursday when you’re struggling to find the time to do it once a fortnight, doesn’t mean that there is something wrong or your relationship isn’t normal.
As long as it works for you, that’s what’s most important. I’ve worked with people before that hardly ever see their partners. They are so fiercely independent they spend their evenings with friends 4/5 times a week and live separate lives and that works for them. I am way too needy to deal with that. I enjoy going home after work, having dinner with Clint and chatting about our days. Neither I or my ex-colleague are right or wrong – if it works for you it works for you.
Create your own normal
Ultimately, what’s important is to not compare your relationship to others. There will always be the guys who do the big romantic gestures that all over social media but maybe that’s to make up for something else – if you know what you I mean (wink face).
I recently wrote a post on comparing yourself to your friends and why that’s bad and the same rules apply when it comes down to relationships. It’s unhealthy. If you want to make changes then, by all means, do it but do it for you. Not because someone you follow on Instagram goes out with her boyfriend 4 times a week so you feel like you have to.
It’s so easy to get caught up on what is and what isn’t normal but really, it’s a fluid term that means different things to different people. And worrying whether yours is normal based on what you see from other people drives you to pick holes in what you have and start to create problems that aren’t really there.
As long as you’re happy and you’re both trying that’s what’s important.
PS. while I was writing this I was texting a friend who was telling me that our other friend is being taken away this weekend for a surprise by a guy she’s just started seeing and my first thought was ‘Why doesn’t Clint do this? Maybe, he doesn’t like me as much’. Moral of the story? Practise what you preach, Laura!