How therapy helped my relationship

How therapy helped my relationship

Therapy. Once a taboo to talk about and now you’re almost weird if you’ve never had any. I have had it off and on since I was about 17 for various different things varying from my rather bizarre eating habits to my debilitating anxiety. Sometimes it worked and other times not so much but in about October time last year I hit a low and I knew something had to change so I thought I would give therapy another go.

The biggest reason for wanting therapy was because of my relationship. I felt like I had lost who I was, it was like I had become one of these women who are all consumed by their man. I felt trapped like I didn’t know how to be me anymore. The thought of being alone scared me and that was a big wake up call. I’ve never been afraid to be single and I wasn’t going to start now.

That’s not to say that I have a bad relationship. We had our ups and downs like any couple but my boyfriend was/still is dealing with some shit and as much as I can be there for him I can’t let it rule my life in the way that it was. I was changing my life to fit his lifestyle and it was making me unhappy. I wasn’t able to break the mould myself so had to enlist the help of someone with a PhD and a comfy chair.

Therapy

While it didn’t help me solve his issues or even the problems we have in our relationship, having therapy made me realise the importance of focusing on me. Not in a selfish way, I will always be there when Clint needs me but it was about putting me first and doing what I want to do rather than what I think I should do.

It taught me that there’s only so much that I can do and you can’t let someone or something else rule your life. Over the past few months, I’ve been learning to let go a little and understand that I have no influence over other people’s lives. They make their own choices and while you can support them through that and be there if and when it all goes wrong you can’t stop them from behaving or thinking in a certain way.

Thinking that you do have influence or your actions can help the situation only harms yourself. Yes, you can make suggestions or talk about things but that person will do and think what they want.

People say that you can’t love someone else until you truly love yourself and the reality is that you can’t be there for someone else unless you’re there for yourself first.

I can’t recommend therapy enough. People underestimate the power of having someone to talk to. Have you had therapy? What did it do you for you?

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2 Comments

  1. March 22, 2019 / 2:52 pm

    Hey, I won’t tell you better advices that someone with a PhD, even if my chairs are pretty comfortable, so I just wanted to tell you that it was a beautiful and honest post, and I’m happy that you understood that you have to think about you!
    And clearly, t will be better not only for you but also for your relationship because you can’t help and be there for anyone if you’re not in a good place yourself.
    I wish you the best!

    • itsnotmeitsyou12
      Author
      March 26, 2019 / 11:34 am

      Hey, thanks for your kind words! I have certainly noticed a difference since I started focusing more on myself and whether I’m in a relationship or not, that’s something I will take with me forever.

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