I’ve been thinking a lot about emotional affairs. Not about having one, but I’ve wondered what is an emotional affair and whether it’s ever ok? I’m completely against sexual affairs and I could never trust someone after they had cheated on me. In fact, me not trusting them would be the least of their worries. I would burn all their clothes and chop their balls off. But… the lines seem to start to blur when it comes down to emotional affairs.
I mean, what even is an emotional affair?
In my opinion, it is when you don’t just have feelings for someone else but you cross the line of what’s appropriate in a relationship. It doesn’t just happen overnight and you know damn well what you’re doing is wrong. The reason it’s different from your ‘typical’ affair is that it’s less bump and grind and more talking about feelings. It’s intimacy, without the ‘intimacy’. For that reason alone, you’d be forgiven for not thinking it’s as bad as a sexual affair but I am torn.
Sex is just an instinctive act between two people. We do it with people we love and we do it with people we don’t. That’s not to say that it wouldn’t hurt if your significant other decided to slip one in someone else. But, that other side of a relationship is special. It’s something that some people only experience now and again. It’s the cute little texts in the middle of the day, it’s having that person you can always count on and it’s the first person you want to call with good or bad news.
Is an emotional affair worse than a sexual affair?
To my knowledge, I’ve not been with someone who has had an emotional affair but I think it would cut me up the same if not more to know that I wasn’t THAT person to my boyfriend. The thought that he confided in someone else about his problems and had feelings for them despite not actually having sex with them. That would ruin me. My favourite part of being in a relationship is having someone who is my best friend, and who even after five years I am still excited to talk to. To think he was getting all that from someone else would break my heart far more than him getting drunk and having a random one night stand.
I suppose it’s hard to say if an emotional affair is worse than a sexual one as they are so different. And, a sexual affair has a clear definition whereas the lines between good friends and emotional affair are blurry, to say the least.
Why do people have emotional affairs?
I think the biggest reason is attention. There are those that aren’t getting enough attention in their relationship so they look for something elsewhere. I’m not saying I would ever do something like that but I can understand how it happens. If you’re not seeing enough of each other, perhaps working long hours and barely having enough time to talk. Then someone walks into your life and starts messaging you, wanting to know about your day and making you feel special. At first, it’s friendly. Next thing you know it’s a little bit more. It’s not quite cheating but you know it would upset your partner.
Then there are also just shitty people who will do anything and hurt anyone for a bit of attention. I most certainly cannot see things from their point of view.
My conclusion is that emotional affairs are never ok. Even if your partner might not deem it as bad or see it In the same way as a sexual affair, it does show that something is missing in your relationship. If you get tempted or feel yourself falling into that situation then before it gets too far you need to think why.
Once you get to the bottom of it you have two choices, you either work it out with your partner or you leave them. Cheating, whether physically or emotionally – no matter the reason – is NEVER ok!
Have you ever experienced an emotional affair? Do you think there is a difference?